Any large decision comes with its fair share of second-guessing, encouragements, and discouragements. Tough decisions, by definition, aren’t easy.

As Kathleen and I progress into the world of adoption, we continue to fight against various discouragements. It seems ironic: we believe that the Lord has brought us to the decision we have made. We believe that it was Him (through His Spirit) that prompted our independent hearts to be stirred similarly and separately toward adoption. So why would we struggle to trust in His faithfulness to carry through what He began?

The lies and deceit that get whispered into our heads are quite crafty. We are made to believe that there are things more valuable and pursuit-worthy than what God has for us. We chase the finite – money, comfort, simplicity, consistency, security, fun, happiness. The juiciness and indulgent delight found in such earthly treasures can be consuming and satisfying, but it is our belief that they eventually leave us empty. In our final days of breath, do we want to look back and remember how happy we were, how much money we struggled to save, or how much fun we had? If I imagine those thoughts, I shudder at the disappointment I would have in myself. What a waste of our decades, if the fruit of our lives is nothing more than things pointed at us. We were not created to pursue things that only last a little while.

We also believe, however, that a life spent walking with the Lord is not devoid of joy. There is certainly nothing wrong with taking pleasure in the things that He gives us – children, spouses, homes, good food, etc. But it is when those things become the object of worship (even unofficially) that the problems begin. It’s when we hold the created above the Creator that our world is out-of-whack. I’ve heard comments that Christianity is “no fun,” or that God wants us to “miss out on the fun stuff.” No fun? Come on, even Jesus enjoyed a good party. The first recorded miracle in the Bible was his turning of water into wine, and he wasn’t intending that it was left unconsumed.

I’ve done my share of “fun” things in my short time on earth, both good and bad. The “bad” can be enticing, and the “good” can be memorable, but the “best” carries along with it the mark of God’s provision. God doesn’t demand a life full of anguish and angst. He blesses according to His will, and desires that we delight in Him and what He gives us. Much like Kathleen and I love watching our kids delight in something we provide for them. The kicker is that His blessing probably looks different than an earthly “blessing” might. It may even look strange to the world…but still, a blessing it most certainly is. Our joy also brings Him joy. Even though the “good things” of life are easy tools of deception, we must also remember that God originally created all things for us.

Herein lies the consistent battle of faith. Our fractured hearts are not able to completely and wholly pursue what were were made to pursue. Our fleshly, sinful desires overcome our hearts time and time again. The whispers of doubt can so easily rule us before we even notice.

Does a holy and loving God want what’s best for us? His Word says that he does. Do Kathleen and I want what’s best for our children? Certainly. Is it always what they want? Ha. But – do we know what is “best” for us?

Adoption (especially international) will be messy, according to earthly standards. In all honesty, we are not financially “prepared” to adopt, much like we were never financially “prepared” to have any of our children. The whispered doubt is clear: “you’re not ready yet…save more money…wait until it’s simple…” Rubbish. Is God’s providence not larger than money? We have been on the receiving end of enough monetary blessings to know that it is just His speed to surprise and provide in a way that is coolly and undeniable divine. Do we blindly assume that some fountain of cash will spring up next to our live oak in the front yard? No. But we certainly believe that He will provide a path for what He has called us to do. He is faithful to that which He has called us.

And what about our children? More whispered doubts. Do we dare introduce a family member that looks vastly different than them? Will they be the subject of ridicule by their peers at school? How will they react to the difficulties that come with yet another sibling? We believe that our role as parents is to lovingly and wisely raise our children into spiritual and eartly maturity. We believe our role is not to protect and shelter them from the harsh realities of the world for 18 years, then release them to a life that will hopefully land them in a safe location, a solid well-paying job, and a life full of “bliss.” No, our aspirations for them are the same as our aspirations for ourselves. We plead for their salvation. We pray that their eyes would be opened fully to the Truth. We want them to understand that our God is their Lord; our Savior is their Intercessor. We want them to love the unloved, give to the needy, evangelize to the unpreached. We want the best for them – a life defined by Jesus. They need to understand that the goal is not to accumulate toys and pleasures. They should know that the world’s boundaries extend beyond their street, school, and church. We see adoption as a magnificent lesson to our children – a lesson of love and grace.

I love how so many details and relationships on earth are shadows of divine things. For instance, our relationships and actions with our children scream similarities to God’s relationships and actions with us. We see adoption as another example – a family reaches out of its realm and brings in an outsider in need of love and compassion, much like God reaches out of His realm with love and compassion to adopt us into His family.

We want the best for our children, just like He wants the best for us. We want our children to grow into maturity, just like He presses us to grow into maturity of faith. Our children naturally resist and rail against the difficulties of the maturation process, sometimes to a point requiring discipline. Likewise, we certainly rail against His leadings and desires for our lives. They can seem nonsensical, foreign, and uncomfortable. But they are for our good. They are tools for molding us closer (sanctifying us) to the image of our Perfect Example. Ultimately, the molding process brings us joy (not happiness) to a greater degree than the empty things we once held so tightly.

I used to think that I could have some sort of double life – I would give God what I wanted to give to him: a few times a month at church, a little cash in the offering box, a few heartaches for those who are needy. Maybe even a bible verse printed out and taped to my cubicle (if I was feeling particularly “godly”). But my heart wasn’t fully committed. I still held on tighter to the “me” things – video games, sports, things for the house, cool technology…to name a few. I am overwhelmingly grateful that He finally melted my heart to where those things began to reek. Not that they are inherently full of evil, but that I understand how they gave rise to the inherent idolatry that is inside me – I cared about those things more than I cared about Him. Those things look so appealing and taste so good, but only for so long. Then you raise your head out of the ground and notice the emptiness. It is so easy to fall into that trap.

So it is our continued prayer that His spirit would would help us squash the doubts, discouragements, and second-guesses that seep into our heads. That we would keep earthly desires in their correct places. That we would allow His gentle wooing to guide us. That he might use us to touch a house full of children.

We feel confidently sure that God is in this with us, that He is leading us through this, and that He won’t desert us. We are just being molded.