Any large decision comes with its fair share of second-guessing, encouragements, and discouragements. Tough decisions, by definition, aren’t easy.

As Kathleen and I progress into the world of adoption, we continue to fight against various discouragements. It seems ironic: we believe that the Lord has brought us to the decision we have made. We believe that it was Him (through His Spirit) that prompted our independent hearts to be stirred similarly and separately toward adoption. So why would we struggle to trust in His faithfulness to carry through what He began?

The lies and deceit that get whispered into our heads are quite crafty. We are made to believe that there are things more valuable and pursuit-worthy than what God has for us. We chase the finite – money, comfort, simplicity, consistency, security, fun, happiness. The juiciness and indulgent delight found in such earthly treasures can be consuming and satisfying, but it is our belief that they eventually leave us empty. In our final days of breath, do we want to look back and remember how happy we were, how much money we struggled to save, or how much fun we had? If I imagine those thoughts, I shudder at the disappointment I would have in myself. What a waste of our decades, if the fruit of our lives is nothing more than things pointed at us. We were not created to pursue things that only last a little while.

We also believe, however, that a life spent walking with the Lord is not devoid of joy. There is certainly nothing wrong with taking pleasure in the things that He gives us – children, spouses, homes, good food, etc. But it is when those things become the object of worship (even unofficially) that the problems begin. It’s when we hold the created above the Creator that our world is out-of-whack. I’ve heard comments that Christianity is “no fun,” or that God wants us to “miss out on the fun stuff.” No fun? Come on, even Jesus enjoyed a good party. The first recorded miracle in the Bible was his turning of water into wine, and he wasn’t intending that it was left unconsumed.

I’ve done my share of “fun” things in my short time on earth, both good and bad. The “bad” can be enticing, and the “good” can be memorable, but the “best” carries along with it the mark of God’s provision. God doesn’t demand a life full of anguish and angst. He blesses according to His will, and desires that we delight in Him and what He gives us. Much like Kathleen and I love watching our kids delight in something we provide for them. The kicker is that His blessing probably looks different than an earthly “blessing” might. It may even look strange to the world…but still, a blessing it most certainly is. Our joy also brings Him joy. Even though the “good things” of life are easy tools of deception, we must also remember that God originally created all things for us.

Herein lies the consistent battle of faith. Our fractured hearts are not able to completely and wholly pursue what were were made to pursue. Our fleshly, sinful desires overcome our hearts time and time again. The whispers of doubt can so easily rule us before we even notice.

Does a holy and loving God want what’s best for us? His Word says that he does. Do Kathleen and I want what’s best for our children? Certainly. Is it always what they want? Ha. But – do we know what is “best” for us?

Adoption (especially international) will be messy, according to earthly standards. In all honesty, we are not financially “prepared” to adopt, much like we were never financially “prepared” to have any of our children. The whispered doubt is clear: “you’re not ready yet…save more money…wait until it’s simple…” Rubbish. Is God’s providence not larger than money? We have been on the receiving end of enough monetary blessings to know that it is just His speed to surprise and provide in a way that is coolly and undeniable divine. Do we blindly assume that some fountain of cash will spring up next to our live oak in the front yard? No. But we certainly believe that He will provide a path for what He has called us to do. He is faithful to that which He has called us.

And what about our children? More whispered doubts. Do we dare introduce a family member that looks vastly different than them? Will they be the subject of ridicule by their peers at school? How will they react to the difficulties that come with yet another sibling? We believe that our role as parents is to lovingly and wisely raise our children into spiritual and eartly maturity. We believe our role is not to protect and shelter them from the harsh realities of the world for 18 years, then release them to a life that will hopefully land them in a safe location, a solid well-paying job, and a life full of “bliss.” No, our aspirations for them are the same as our aspirations for ourselves. We plead for their salvation. We pray that their eyes would be opened fully to the Truth. We want them to understand that our God is their Lord; our Savior is their Intercessor. We want them to love the unloved, give to the needy, evangelize to the unpreached. We want the best for them – a life defined by Jesus. They need to understand that the goal is not to accumulate toys and pleasures. They should know that the world’s boundaries extend beyond their street, school, and church. We see adoption as a magnificent lesson to our children – a lesson of love and grace.

I love how so many details and relationships on earth are shadows of divine things. For instance, our relationships and actions with our children scream similarities to God’s relationships and actions with us. We see adoption as another example – a family reaches out of its realm and brings in an outsider in need of love and compassion, much like God reaches out of His realm with love and compassion to adopt us into His family.

We want the best for our children, just like He wants the best for us. We want our children to grow into maturity, just like He presses us to grow into maturity of faith. Our children naturally resist and rail against the difficulties of the maturation process, sometimes to a point requiring discipline. Likewise, we certainly rail against His leadings and desires for our lives. They can seem nonsensical, foreign, and uncomfortable. But they are for our good. They are tools for molding us closer (sanctifying us) to the image of our Perfect Example. Ultimately, the molding process brings us joy (not happiness) to a greater degree than the empty things we once held so tightly.

I used to think that I could have some sort of double life – I would give God what I wanted to give to him: a few times a month at church, a little cash in the offering box, a few heartaches for those who are needy. Maybe even a bible verse printed out and taped to my cubicle (if I was feeling particularly “godly”). But my heart wasn’t fully committed. I still held on tighter to the “me” things – video games, sports, things for the house, cool technology…to name a few. I am overwhelmingly grateful that He finally melted my heart to where those things began to reek. Not that they are inherently full of evil, but that I understand how they gave rise to the inherent idolatry that is inside me – I cared about those things more than I cared about Him. Those things look so appealing and taste so good, but only for so long. Then you raise your head out of the ground and notice the emptiness. It is so easy to fall into that trap.

So it is our continued prayer that His spirit would would help us squash the doubts, discouragements, and second-guesses that seep into our heads. That we would keep earthly desires in their correct places. That we would allow His gentle wooing to guide us. That he might use us to touch a house full of children.

We feel confidently sure that God is in this with us, that He is leading us through this, and that He won’t desert us. We are just being molded.

Our short few months of serious adoption consideration have been eye-opening in many ways. This is not the first large decision we’ve made, but it’s the largest one in a little while now. I think that both of us have grown significantly in our spiritual lives to where our decision process looks much different than it would have before. Our priorities are different. Our perspectives have changed. All for the glory of God.

We are blessed to live in a country where Christianity is not illegal (either officially or unofficially). Not only that, we live in an area of the United States where the Christian faith reigns as the dominant religion of choice. Furthermore we live in a metroplex where there are tons of church choices, and of those there are a good number who actually preach biblical truth. It is easier to hear the accurate Word of God proclaimed here than it is in almost any corner of the world.

Our home church is passionate about being salt and light to the world. Not just our immediate area, but the world. It is so easy to forget how big the world really is. 7 billion people. 7 billion. Our “world” is often confined to our immediate surroundings – the D/FW metroplex (population roughly 7 million). Think about that – the urban sprawl that is D/FW represents one-tenth of one percent of the world’s population. Think about the crime, poverty, homelessness, seediness, and need that we directly see in our community. Multiply that by one thousand. Considering that we live in one of the most affluent areas on the planet, you’d better multiply that by a hundred thousand.

Our eyes were first opened to the world’s needs via Compassion International. A few years ago, we were introduced to this wonderful ministry by our home group leaders at the time, Claude and Celeste Drury. Their faithful service to the Lord includes their work on behalf of Compassion: introducing people to the work of the organization, and serving as a conduit for donations/sponsorships of needy children across the globe. We have cheerfully given on behalf of a young girl named Erika for over half of her life, and we love to receive her letters describing how our donations are being used to help clothe her, feed her, educate her, but most of all introduce her to the all-wonderful Jesus. We don’t miss the $38. But to Erika and her family? Riches.

I think that our path toward adoption probably started with young Erika, and our measly $38-per-month. How beautiful is the body of Christ, if this is the case. The work of Claude and Celeste (and by extension those who came before them) began a tenderizing of our hearts that wouldn’t begin to sprout toward adoption for half a decade. The work of the Holy Spirit is so beautifully unseen yet mighty. It reaches out across all of humanity, like little roots that grow like wildfire, unseen below the earth.

A September 2010 study by the US Department of Health & Human Services cites that a little over 100,000 children in the United States are waiting to be adopted. Of that figure, 90% currently live in either foster homes or pre-adoption homes. They receive food & shelter. They have hope, even if adoption never comes. America is still a land of great opportunity.

Up-to-date statistics for Africa are not as readily available, but consider this staggering number: in 2003, 43 million children (roughly 12% of children) in the sub-Saharan region of Africa were orphans, a percentage almost twice as many as Asia, which checked in around 7% (reference: Orphans in Africa).

Are any children more worthy of adoption than others? Certainly not. We do believe, however, that American orphans have a better chance of “success” than international ones. What is the hope for an unadopted African orphan? To live in an orphanage for a few years, then (if alive) be thrust into a third-world of poverty and little opportunity? Doesn’t that cycle seem to be a repeating one?

That is one of the reasons that our hearts beat for African adoption. We are not oblivious or naïve: it is simpler, cleaner, and more “acceptable” to adopt a white orphan from America. No stares at the grocery store. No whispering about a mixed set of races amongst the children. No lingering “deep south” prejudices to fight against.

There are many who would probably classify us as weird, neurotic, take your pick. But we cannot deny the tugging at our hearts that has been so evident over the past few months. The things that used to matter to us have started to taste bitter (thank you, Spirit). Our hearts have been softened and re-wired. We take great hope that the Apostle Paul wrote “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ (Phil. 3:7)”. Our hope is that some child’s loss will end up serving as an earthly gain. Your will be done, Father.

---

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Romans 12:3-5

---